Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
