Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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