I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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