I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
