He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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