At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
