Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
