i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
