It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Two words: blizzard sex
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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