He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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