Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
