running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
