Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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