I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
where am i from again
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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