You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
