sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
