What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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