I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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