id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
