The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
