We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
