She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
