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i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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