I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
