What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
