i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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