He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
