Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
