just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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