i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
