im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
