I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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