I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
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