I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
