can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
