Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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