I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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