There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
