just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
