That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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