i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
