Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
