Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
