if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
