the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
