I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
