just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
