Who wears a wallet chain?!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
