im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
