I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
