Life is so much better after having sex.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
